Don’t forget the inevitable “3 months ago we were made aware of a breach of the BONTO! servers. What information was taken? Bet you’d like to know wouldn’t you. What have we done about this situation? Fuck you, that’s what.”
BUT . . .But. To make it up to you we’ve also sold your info to a “Privacy Lock” company who will sell you something imaginary for as long as you pay them. That’ll totally fix it.
3 months later; privacy lock company is breached
Oh it was an Eastern European shell this whole time and they have my social security number for some reason
23 and Me customer here, and I couldn’t relate more. When I reached out to support to ask what data was stolen and how much they were planning on compensating me for having my genome leaked to the web, their answer was basically “We have no idea what you’re talking about. lol fuck you”
You can’t use this service unless you give us your social security number. Whoops! Your SSN was stolen three months ago and we just found out.
I’d argue that email is as useful as regular mail. I get about 2 letters a year written by a person. The rest is bills and marketing.
Email is basically a central notification hub for users, and I’d much prefer that than having to log into each specific app to be notified of things.
Love these anti-features
Linkedin also send you emails even if you repeatedly turn them off
Last I checked LinkedIn doesn’t even have a way of straight up turning all emails off. I had to individually turn off email notifications on bazillion categories. …Then they just invented more categories.
Click. Report spam. Just as it deserves.
Don’t forget the 4500 emails suggesting you upgrade to slorp pro-premium-plus-max
You make fun of this but I really had bonto pro-premium-plus-max and it comes with many benefits like not getting these mails anymore
“You have 17 messages in your Slorp-box! Click here to log in”
“Loser McDouchebag from high school recently Slorped! Click here to read it!”
And, after the rebranding: “Someone looked at your BONTO! profile! Want to know who? Get BONTO! Premium and send them a BONTO!-Gram! Remember, this could be the beginning of something wonderful! Get it now for only $9,99 (first 6 months, conditions apply)!”
Then when you finally upgrade to premium plus max lifetime, the acquisition happens and lifetime licenses get cancelled.
And if you already did, then you’re really missing out on the pro lifetime plan that includes a lifetime license!*
^(* lifetime license only valid until we release the next version in 2 months)
You forgot the part where BONTO leaks user information, and now you get a torrent of spam…
I have a 100 gb Google storage just so I don’t run out of email space. Even if you aggressively unsubscribe from shit, there’s just waaaaay too much emailing in general by companies.
I once bought four items in a single order from Amazon. They shipped all items separately, which meant I got four shipment mails, four DHL ‘it’s underway’ messages, four ‘it’s being delivered today’ messages and four ‘your item has been delivered’ messages by DHL. Oh and to round it out: four delivery confirmations from Amazon.
All told, that one four-item order meant 21 separate emails. There HAS to be a more efficient way to handle that.
Click here to unsubscribe from Slorp marketing emails. First log in. Forgot password? Click here to reset. Hmm, doesn’t appear to be a user account with that email address. Create an account? Check your email for the activation link. Confirm your contact information. Consent to tracking cookies? Manage notifications. Unsubscribe from all? We’re sad to see you go!
Slorp? That’s a weird way to spell Twitch.
I always report spam without unsubscribing. It fks up their score with google.
Every platform with enough technical resources should support one click unsubscribe.
I never understood the concept of making it difficult to unsubscribe. Marketers have a hard enough time getting users to open email at all. Let users help you clean up your subscriber list with an easy opt out to reduce your send cost and improve deliverability.
/> reset password
“hmm, there doesn’t appear to be a user account with that email address”
/> Makes new account
“User account with that email exists. Reset password?”
You could just do the “report spam” if the unsubscribe link doesn’t immediately work.
Yeah, the CAN-SPAM act, as far as I understand it, doesn’t allow them to force you to make an account just to unsubscribe.
Every goddamn time…
☐ I would like to be contacted for marketing purposes
Next day…
Here’s that marketing email you requested!
*Your 2FA login code for SLORP
*Your password reset link for SLORP
*Your password reset link for SLORP
*You have (2) new messages from other SLORP users
*There has been a login attempt from a new device on SLORP
*Your SLORP password may have been compromised
I always get 4 fucking emails when I login into firefox on a new device
Folks, we need to learn to use aliases.
Fastmail has quite nice implementation of this, they call it “masked e-mail”, but I bet there are many (perhaps under other names). (Disclaimer: I have no connection to FastMail other than I use their service and like it.)
I’ve learned to just create new masked email for every domain where i share e-mail – legit or not. Then you can just disable the alias if it gets annoying. You can also reply to an e-mail you got to the alias without revealing your real address (as long as you do it from FastMail UI).
TBH I think if your email is filled with garbage you need to do a better job of managing your email.
If they think email is bad now, then obviously a lot of people dont remember the 90s before spam filtering got decent.
At least then it was only Bill Gates personally sending me chain letters
Business contaminates everything useful with endless appeals to your attention.
I remember when Slorp was Qooble.
Man I miss good old Qooble.
Qooble took a shit after it bought up Aoyel
They went too big too soon. The real nail in the coffin though was the merger with Floop.
“Thank you for your pre-paid lifetime subscription to Slorp! Unfortunately, after the acquisition by BONTO!, we have made the difficult decision not to honor these Slorp Platinum accounts going forward. But please enjoy a 15% discount on your first month of BONTO! Premium+! (Have you seen our stock price?)”
THats not true, its also a bunch of
“HOT DEAILS ON (item you just talked to a friend about half an hour ago that they somehow magically know about in ways that should terrify every fucking person within 500 feet of a digital device) AT HOTDEALS426424346423.COM.CO.EU.RU/HOTDEALS/TOTALLYNOTASCAM/SUCKERSCLICKTHIS/HOTDEAL4U.COM”
edit
I did not intend that to resolve to a clickable link, lol.
Love that Firefox highlights this cursed domain name
Remember when email was useful? I remember when it was magical!
Time for a story from the ancient times. I had this idea and asked my professor for advice. He said he knew a person on the other side of the world who would know all about it. “This is his ‘email’ address.”
I had never heard about ‘email’ so I needed to learn what it was and how to send one. I wrote my message and off it went. The very next morning I had a reply. One of the best experts on a topic I was keen about had shared their thoughts from the other side of the world, just like that.
In that time, a long time ago as you’ll appreciate, that interaction was magical.
In an instant I understood the power of the Usenet. A while later and with a couple of additional protocols they started calling that the Internet.
Usenet is now INTERNET!
…
…
The INTERNET is shutting down (?)The Usenet actually still exists.