I’ve known since I was a kid that I’m depressed. I even have infant photos of me, where I look like I just hate life. Other baby photos the baby is smiling, and interested in everything. Whereas I look like even though I’m too young to even have thoughts, I’m still giving off body language of “leave me alone”.
But when I started asking everyone I knew if they too were depressed, I haven’t gotten one single person to say that they’re happy. Everyone has said they’re depressed. So now I wonder if it’s a regional thing, or if everyone everywhere is depressed.
I’m the proud owner of “treatment resistant depression”, so yes. I’ve been sad my whole life but I started having suicidal ideation in my late 20’s.
I have a therapist and a psychiatrist so I am medicated and working on it.
Depressions sucks, but the SSRIs that I am on have wiped out my anxiety. It’s like I am a completely new person. I can go grocery shopping without nearly panicking. Somehow I found an (ex) wife before I was medicated but dating is now not quite as painful.
But yeah, I still have varying levels of bad days and I don’t know what happy actually means for me.