In clinical psychology the technique is called motivational interviewing, and the purpose is to help the person feel ready to make the change they need to by helping them plan out what they will need to change in their environment to make it happen. The trick is to avoid pressuring them in the exact moment and instead help them start imagining a more positive future as a very first baby step. You can do this by yourself right now if you want to, even if you know you’re not ready to do what you need to.

Examples:

  • to quit drinking you might need to try to find a less stressful job or leave a shitty partner
  • to start exercising you might need to lower the energy required to start by leaving your workout clothes next to your bed, or you might need to get a brace for a joint so you can exercise more comfortably.

You don’t actually have to be ready to do those things to admit to yourself that they’re factors holding you back. Step one will always be learning to be honest with yourself, even if you’re not ready to do better just yet. So, what do you need to happen in your life to be able to do that thing you know you need to do?

  • AnarchistArtificer@slrpnk.netEnglish
    1·
    3 months ago

    Bonus tip:

    A distinction that I often find useful is that “simple” is not the same sad “easy”. Biggest example of this for me was when I needed to go no contact with a family member; despite knowing that it was what I needed to do, it took me a while to muster the strength to do what was necessary — it was simple, but not easy.

    Another manifestation of “why didn’t I do this sooner” is when a solution is easy to implement, but it took a while to figure out what to do — this applies in complex situations, or ones where I have made past attempts that have failed, and I need to work smarter, not harder.

    Both of these problem shapes benefit from the motivational interviewing technique described above. I think whenever we’re thinking about ways to improve ourselves, it can be easy to slip into a pattern of being unkind to yourself. Some things take time and that’s okay, because it needs to be — you can’t bullying yourself into change.