It’s obvious and you would be deluded into thinking everyone you interact with likes you.
But how do you feel it?
Context: I’m a course instructor and I get direct reviews on my lessons and around 95% of feedback is positive to very positive.
There’s less than 5% of my reviews that have real negative and non-constructive comments. Things like accusations of being incompetent or unprepared or full of shit, etc. They mention times I had technical difficulties or made a mistake (like giving an incorrect response)
Just by the numbers alone this is a very small minority overall. Yet these comments stick in my head and make me doubt my abilities.
So what are your strategies or ways you drown out this stuff?
i like me.
everyone else is optional
What if I don’t like me?
I feel this comment in my bones.
Enough to make my systems go, welcome to the new age to the new age
I go in assuming no one will like me and then I’m just pleasantly surprised whenever they do. Like, only 5% didn’t like you? Not too fucking shabby, well done!
I remember I also don’t like a lot of people and that’s it
Jupp same here.
I just care about it if it has a real negative consequence. Like your boss won’t promote you. Otherwise it doesn’t matter. Not. One. Bit.
That’s the thing, if my reviews aren’t stellar then there’s a good chance I don’t get renewed
I’m too old to care. I like me and so does my family. That’s all that matters to me.
It may sound a little silly but when I get good feedback on something, I pop it in my journal under a specific tag so I can revisit it from time to time.
It’s unfortunate that people are unfair to you, possibly they are younger or otherwise have incorrect expectations about your fallibility as a human.
I used to respond to things like that but these days I let the positive comments speak for themselves. Just remember to ask for feedback- a lot of people otherwise won’t do it unless they’ve got something negative to say.
“I, ShinigamiOokamiRyuu, like your way of doing things and send her best wishes.”
There, you have a journal entry to finish the day with.
They could also just be projecting their personal shit, and there’s no controlling that. Or they just don’t want to be in the course. Or they have deluded expectations.
People can be super finicky like that. I remember when in high school, I certainly didn’t want to be there, and I know I found a way to make it my teachers’ fault, who were probably pretty good people considering they put up with us.
possibly they are younger or otherwise have incorrect expectations about your fallibility as a human.
The majority of them are almost double my age actually 😛
There’s a meme image I once saw that spoke to me.
It went; “Stop trying to be liked by everybody, when you don’t even like everybody”
And that’s so fucking true for someone such as me. You can’t please everyone, so you should stop trying because there’s thousands to possibly millions of people out there who simply live that spiteful and bitter lifestyle as their entire persona.
Who matters to me are the people I’ve personally befriended. It doesn’t hurt to co-exist and be kind to those who give it to you.
But everyone else, fuck them.
Yeah, people are full of shit. The way I approach this is just to try and understand if I’m the asshole (or Hanlon’s razor equivalent), or they are. If it’s their issue, it doesn’t really bother me anymore that they don’t like me, and they’re just an obstacle rather than a peer.
That’s just my experience though. And yeah, written out it sounds kind of harsh, but I’m going to say it’s better than becoming even more of a nervous wreck than I already am.
70% of people are idiots so you’re doing pretty well. Only 9/10 dentists can agree on a toothpaste ffs!
I just don’t give a shit.
Do you like everyone? Probably not. Just because people don’t like each other doesn’t mean something is wrong. You can even love somebody and want nothing to do with them.
Well, do you like everyone you meet? Why expect everyone else to?
You can make the world’s best apple pie and there are still people who don’t like apples. That’s not a flaw of the pie or them. That’s just life.
I wouldn’t say you get over it, more that you get used to it and realize that it’s not (always) about you.
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Do they not like you for things intrinsic to your being or for you actions? If the former their opinion should hold little weight, if the later proceed to step two.
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Reflect on why someone of their perspective might feel that way about your actions and assess the merits.
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If you feel after sober contemplation that their critiques of your actions were well founded, adjust yourself going forwards. Otherwise remain as you were.
If it is as low as 5% I’d imagine it reflects more so on where they are in their lives, having little knowledge of the situation.
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I’m a 36 year old professor. My only negative evaluation this past semester was that I didn’t give homework. Though, most of them hated my guts from using grades to tell them their work was mostly average. <Insert Boomer comment about participation trophies>
The students realized they needed to change to improve their grades. And subsequently, they grew the way I expected, which was far more than they thought they would. They recognized I was teaching them more than the material: I was teaching them the meta. That was valuable enough to them to forgive me for being such a dick about the numbers that define their self worth.
So, want the students to give you those glowing 10/10 evaluations? Piss them off and make them glad that you did. Give them something of value that no one has. But, based off of how much you seem to care about the difference between a 95% and 100%, I think, much like my students, you are chasing your participation trophy. Think on it.
I don’t like everyone I meet. Why would I expect to be liked by everyone I meet?
Honestly? I think you just have to age out of it. Like you said, it’s just a fact that not everyone will, but if you care about being liked in the first place, chances are that only time giving you opportunity to not be liked, and absorb the lesson that it doesn’t hurt anything, will move you past that desire.
Me? I had jobs where it was damn near constant hate in one way or another. Patients with dementia on my main job, plus the occasional coworker that just didn’t mesh. On my steadiest side job, I was a bouncer, and if you go a night without someone hating your guts, mark that shit in the calendar because it’s your new holy day.
So I had my give-a-shitter demolished by the time I could drink legally, and I’m not joking. By the time I was 21, I just did not give a fuck about being liked. It’s nice when it happens, but it wasn’t something I put any energy into at all. I just started doing my thing, being me, and enjoying the company of folks that are down with that.
It actually made dating in specific so much more pleasant.
But, yeah, you take enough hits on those reviews, start noticing the pattern that it’s people you would never be able to satisfy in the first place, and it’ll eventually roll off of you.
“Give-a-shitter”
Lol
I may borrow this.
You don’t want mine. It was defective when I was born, and broke too damn easy lol.
But yeah, have fun with it. It’s a family thing, so don’t be surprised if you get weird looks if you use it in the synonyms Appalachians :)
Many people suffer from impostor syndrome to a degree. Many people make mistakes even when it comes to subject matters they are very familiar with. Everyone has technical problems every now and then - that’s outside of your control. Technology is finicky and increasingly shit.
You’ll always get people who think they know better than you, or could do something better than you. But they aren’t. You are. You got where you are through your work and experience. As long you feel that you’re prepared to the best of your ability and knowledge, I think your conscience can be clear.
You will never have everyone you meet like you. Some people are just basic shitheads, and some of them will write reviews like that precisely to gaslight you into doubting yourself and your abilities. They do it for kicks. If 95% of your reviews are positive, you’re in a good place.
