Started a friendship with a classmate, he was bit of a know-it-all, we were discussing some esoteric stuff and he laid out his theory I said “ah that’s BS”, and gave my reasons. Then he got very uptight and ended our friendship there and then, and escorted me out of his apartment.
Very strange experience.
Edit: It’s one of those cases you recall and think “Was it me that were the stupid one there?”
A friend tried to get me into Amway. I heckled him and refused.
He asked me again and I was more serious this time. I said no, and threatened if he asked me ever again it was the last he’d speak to me.
He asked again. I said “remember how I said we wouldn’t be friends if you kept proselytizing that shit to me?”, to which he replied, “yeah, but lemme sketch this out to you because it’s awesome.” Like, he wasn’t sorry and he still tried to bring me onboard.
I left. Didn’t speak to him for 31 years. He died in COVID.
My dad has a friend try to talk him into amway sometime in the late 80s/early 90s. He had painted a pyramid shape onto cinder blocks in his basement to explain the revenue stream and everything.
He said no, but that friend ended up high enough in a payment chain that he’s still rich as sin, and my dad got to be one of the scant few that turned down what would’ve actually been a lucrative business venture in a pyramid scheme.
On fools day he posted a picture of himself and a baby in Facebook with the tag “presenting my baby to everyone” I commented that congratulations for losing his virginity, that it took a while but it’s look like it was worth it. He blocked me and never spoke to me again. I tried to contact him a couple of times, we were best friends on primary school and keep in touch even after graduation high school, but we never talked again after that. I can’t even count the amount of times I talked about that with my therapist, until I just moved on. Hope he have a happy life.
tangential but, when i was teenage-ish i had a friend of a friend that was always kind of standoffish with me. i’m a people pleaser so i was always looking for some way to connect with this guy, but i reckon that was coming across in a weird/bad way.
anyway at one point i found out we had the same birthday, year and everything! i thought it was pretty neat, but he thought i was lying. i got really insistent because from my perspective i had no reason to lie about something so mundane, and ig that rubbed him the wrong way because iirc he never spoke to me again.
He died of a heroin overdose.
I just stopped talking to them or responding well to their efforts. It’s a trend. I really couldn’t even tell you why with any absolute certainty, aside from the following thought that’s come up when trying to figure it out.
If you grow up in a situation where your parents move every couple of years for work, IMO you’re going to develop in one of two ways:
-you’re going to get really good at making new friends, real fast, and keeping in touch with people over time
-you’ll reach a point where you stop putting any effort into connecting with new people or keeping in touch with old friends, because what’s the point? You’ll be gone soon anyway.And if you’re in the latter camp, unless you put real effort into fixing it, that shit can stick with you long after the situation creating that condition is over.
I’ve made some progress, I suppose, in trying to at least be a friendly guy on the street open to chance encounters that theoretically could turn into a more robust friendship, but I’ve got a ways to go to get where I’d like to be re: that.
A friend of 8 years stole a few dresses from me while we were out on a trip. They weren’t necessarily expensive, just cute sundresses that I had bought after saving up some money with my first big job. After returning home, I texted her to get one back because it was the dress I wore on my first date with my (now) husband and was sentimental. I was willing to part with the other ones. Her response was “Since I already have it with me, it would be easier if I just keep it and not have to find a way to get it to you.”
We lived ~20 minutes apart. After that, I was ghosted. She continued to wear the dress and post photos online, blocking me so that I couldn’t see, but other friends saw and reported back to me. Safe to say she was not invited to the wedding.
“Since I already have it with me, it would be easier if I just keep it and not have to find a way to get it to you.”
Wow, she sounds annoyed that you’d expect your stolen items returned.
Good riddance, sorry about the dresses though
That’s such a weird way to execute that… like if you’re gonna steal someone’s style, just go buy copies or something very similar. Still weird, but way less weird than what this chick did.
Maybe she was trying to be you or some shit.
I had a friend from high school that was a compulsive liar. we were friends for probably ~10 years and I never said anything because his lies were never hurtful lies. They were usually to entertain and were so obvious that any halfway intelligent person could spot them from a mile away. Fast forward to our early 20s and we’re working security together. When I drive him home after a shift one day he started telling a story about how some guys tried to rob him with a knife outside his apartment but he turned the tables and took their knife and broke the guys arm in the process before they ran off. I finally asked him “what really happened?” and he looked at me hurt and didn’t say anything. I later felt like a dick but his lies were growing in grandiosity to the point of offending some other people we worked with. A few months later he takes a shift with our supervisor who also happened to be a classmate and my buddy very intentionally fell asleep at the desk in the security office while using a second chair as a leg rest as the supervisor was doing a walking patrol of the building. Anyways, our supervisor came back and saw our buddy so the supervisor opened an emergency exit setting off the security alarm to see if he’d get up and respond. He did not. -That was my buddie’s last shift. The following evening he texted me with some false explanation for why he was terminated. My response was “Dude, you were recorded on 3 different surveillance cameras sleeping next to the table we all watch the cameras on.”
I didn’t know that was the last time we’d talk. Less than 6 months later he had a bachelor party and a wedding neither of which I was invited to.
It’s been bizarre realizing people are (likely) pathological liars (alor at least massive bullshitters). It’s like, wow, you sure do seem to always have an interesting story to tell in every situation. Every situation.
I know that type. They always escalate their stories and think everyone’s always believing them, when in reality, everyone’s too polite to call them out, until they’re not.
It’s uncanny how similar your story is to mine: I once had a friend with a similar tendency to embiggen reality… he started with lightly embroidering his stories, but over the years the fantasy took more and more precedence until you weren’t sure what was left of reality. It happened so gradually none of us knew how to react, should we burst his bubble? somehow it always seemed too harsh a reaction. One day he came to visit and said the most awful lies about our common friends… I never saw him again. Last I heard of him he had wholeheartedly subscribed to fascist ideas such as eugenics, etc. He’s persuaded himself he is the most clever guy to ever live and he’s unfit to live in this world necause nobody understands his genius. He’s early thirties!
He sounds like the kind of guy who’d say they worked in the CIA or MI5. “Uhhh, people who actually work in those organizations NEVER tell you they work for those organizations. It is intelligence 101.”
Pathological lying and grandiosity are trademarks of psychopathic behavior also.
I’ve read similar things about lying being associated with anti-social personality disorders. Narcissism is also a common reason, but either way I’m confident he posessed empathy. I typically lean in the other direction that he was deeply insecure but also not the smartest. The stuff that offended colleagues (who were combat vets) was that he started making up stories about his time in the marines even though in reality he was discharged halfway through bootcamp. I asked him why he was discharged more than once and he gave me a different medical reason each time.
We started a business together and after landing our first client together (not one we brought in as a pre existing relationship) we went out drinking to celebrate. We both drank the same stuff, same amounts (and I’ve had far more before), yet I was more fucked than ever, to the point I’m convinced the dude drugged me. I have 0 memory of leaving the bar, going 5 blocks away after calling our ride, gashing my head open (twice), or how I was “so limp I could barely stand let alone walk” none of which sounds like me when I’m drunk at ALL
He also spent that whole time shit talking me to my wife, something he’s previously done to other “friends” he felt were leaving him for significant others
I returned to my hometown to handle the passing of my grandfather. I didn’t call my friend, who I had known since preschool, to go hang out. In reality I didn’t give a single thought to contacting anyone I knew – I had family to take care of. He felt insulted by that and chose to never speak to me again.
If this sounds completely illogical, I can assure you I’m just as baffled as you.
I was in the military and was friends with a guy I worked with. When I got promoted I changed positions, so I didn’t see him much at work, but we still hung out outside of work often.
One day he did something that could have gotten him in a lot of trouble. I was the only NCO (Sargent) around when it happened. My supervisor offered to take care of the punishment himself because he knew we were friends. I said no, he’s my friend, I witnessed it, so I’ll take care of it. Plus I was able to convince them to just give him some paperwork, instead of more severe punishment he could have had.
I took him into a private area, explained what he did wrong and that he was only getting paperwork. He didn’t say a word, just signed it and walked out. I tried to go talk to him after work and his roommate came out calling me all sorts of names, asking how I could do that to him, and how I was a power tripping asshole, on and on. I asked if I could talk to my friend and explain and he told me my friend requested I never come back over.
I was at that base another year and he never talked to me again.
This is what happens when the rules don’t apply to everybody equally. The military is at the top of the class for doing so. Still it happens; where it appears a “guilty bastard” avoids the usual punishment thru influence, rank, or some other reason. It sets a very bad example, and the troops can get testy if they don’t get the same (perceived) treatment.
Cocaine laced with fentanyl. OD’d in the bathtub. Wasn’t even (remotely) a regular user; just having a little extra fun on New Years. Was about to finalize the adoption of his and his wife’s baby girl too
Another one from alcohol, fell asleep in the bath
Another one from an undiagnosed heart condition
Another from a peritoneal infection from peritoneal dialysis (they had sickle cell)
My sister from benzos and falling asleep in the bath
All of them in their 30’s. Been a difficult few years of losing friends/family for me, ngl
Good lord what a hand you’ve been dealt. My sympathies.
I really appreciate it. All will always be well, in the end. It just can get rough sometimes, but storms pass one way or another. Thank you though
That’s really rough. I hope you are doing OK and taking care of yourself.
I am doing ok, and thank you. I try my best to take care of myself and have gotten much better at identifying/modifying maladaptive coping methods. It’s always a work in progress lol
I’ve worked around a lot of death as an ICU nurse, which I think has helped me with a little insight into “how to process”. You’re never ready when it’s someone you love and especially when it’s sudden, but seeing other people go through it regularly can give you a different view sometimes, I believe. But thank you again friend
All living in the same locality ?
No, everyone was pretty much spread out across three different US states. Just unfortunate happenstance (and timing, really)
Friends; plural. I quit drinking.
Sounds like a smart way.
Eastern countries don’t build all their communal events around booze but instead food. One of the many reasons I have no interest in moving back to the West.
A drinking buddy of mine quit. I got good at making mocktails. Bonus now when I want a cocktail but not booze I can have a nice drink.
His last communication was a Facebook post to the world about how he only had room for supportive people in his life, not people who wanted to tear him down.
Guess he got tired of me saying mean things like “You should be paying your debt down, not buying things you can’t afford” “Your wife is right and you shouldn’t fight her on this” and “I understand that the universe rewards positive thought with positive destiny but you also need a plan”.
He became a Qanon ass licking dumbfuck and a pro Trump cum sandwich.
Also, we are French so his savior isn’t able to place us on a map.
Had a pretty much identical experience with a longtime best friend.
Within reason ofc but I think it’s a valuable thing to have friends with different viewpoints
It is, but not when they try to “educate” everyone around them at every breath they take, every text message and every conversation.
It ended up with everyone saying “dude stop, we don’t care at all” and him apologizing then saying “ok sorry, my mistake, I explained it wrong that’s why you didn’t understand”.
Again and again and again. It is a disease that needs medical treatment (psychiatric, the same as people leaving cults) and the way he described it fits the description. He said that he “fell in it” (tomber dedans in French, as in falling in a pit) by being bored at work and watching too many YouTube videos to pass time.
We tried to help, but after 2 years we were exhausted. Dude doesn’t want to be helped and we are not medical professionals.
Last news was that he now hangs with another former friend from school that also refused to change and get help, the only cocaine addict of our small town. To the village they are known as the crazy guys sitting on a park bench all day and feeding each other craziness. To them they are probably the only two enlightened dudes and everybody else is too dumb and needs to be awoken.
Imo that has nothing to do with their views though
I don’t tend to like people who haven’t thought their opinions through but stand by them anyway, the people in my life with these different viewpoints can intelligently and civilly justify them rather than just spouting nonsense
If nothing else, then to have a reference to whom else not to befriend, and to have a known source for all the hottest new nonsense.
Kinda like Urban Dictionary. Lots of degenaratory stuff on there, but at least i got somewhat reliable definitions for all the weird stuff people call me and/or each other.
That’s pretty much what I mean, have friends with different views so you can get a good gauge for what’s going on in the world
Obviously not the people who haven’t really thought their opinions through but I know a number of people who make good thought out arguments for what they believe in that still conflict with my own
