What are the things you maybe encountered or are generally common that turn you off a lot?

Can share my story as an example. I’m very much a committed monogamous guy, and, for second relationships in a row (fourth total), the girl offers me a condom from an open pack.

They do not use them for their stuff, they literally just kept them for like a year from previous relationships (to which both girls admitted), which is not only a questionable approach to storing condoms (please do not store them in an open box in a random place), but also a giant turn off for me, almost like using sex toys from previous partner.

What are such things in your life? Maybe something that is generally accepted as normal, but makes you uncomfortable? Would love to hear stories from all sides.

  • Pollux@lemmynsfw.comOPEnglish
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    4 months ago

    Yeah, had to mention vibrators or something else that was exclusively used on her is generally fine.

    To be clear - this is not a sign of insecurity, not retroactive jealousy, either. This is just a simple wish to not interact with anything sexual used by the other guy I never chose to be intimate with and who can be gross to me, even if this is a pack of otherwise separate condoms. Like, it’s not hard or expensive to replace - just buy a damn pack at the nearest pharmacy - and regardless of how much your partner cares, you won’t lose anything either way. And I feel like I’m not the only person in the world caring for such matters.

    I feel like as much as we try to make it less of a deal, this is just innately uncomfortable for many - not through insecurities it’s often written off to, but rather through the nature of the intimate, of the highly personal. I want for our sex life to be ours alone in all aspects, not because someone else was “better” - I seem to be good and skillful and attractive - but because they, for all their previous experience with her, are not invited.

    Also, heavily agree on vague answers and signs that partner is pressured. This is a no-go.

    • FellatioHornblower@lemmynsfw.comEnglish
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      4 months ago

      This feels like some weird purity test or something. Sometimes am unexpeted hook up happens and it’s better to have a condom ready than have unprotected sex with a stranger. You aren’t complaining about having sex in the same bed as her previous partners, so why would unused condoms be any different?

      • Pollux@lemmynsfw.comOPEnglish
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        4 months ago

        That’s my point - those are not “unexpected hook-ups” (I never feel comfortable with those), those are events in a relationship they could absolutely prepare for, and something that normally comes with a greater level of intimacy.

        Changing a bed is unreasonably costly, materially and financially, besides, bed is not necessarily associated with sex.

        Getting new condoms is a matter of spending beer money at a nearest pharmacy.

        • Kuragi2@lemmynsfw.comEnglish
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          4 months ago

          So if she had been out of a relationship for, say, a year, and had bought a box at the start of the time, used half of them on different partners, and then used one with you it’d have been fine? At least from the condom perspective, never mind that she has casual sexual encounters and that’s never cool. Good luck on your gymnastics journey.