UCC church we used to go to in Indiana did a baptism for a lesbian couple back in 2007. The Texas one we went to had a black lesbian pastor for a congregation that was 1/3 Philippino, 1/3 Nigerian, and 1/3 old white Texans. “Do not put a period where God has put a comma. God is still speaking” was the official motto for the UCC for decades. I’m not a religious person but i do believe that churches like the UCC do a lot of good in this world.

*UwU church

Actually non-denominational churches come in two sizes: mega and strip mall

The “Methodist” part really depends on which side of the schism your church landed on. There are absolutely bigoted Methodists.

Baptist is spot on though. Especially southern baptists, which tend to be the most fire-and-brimstone with their preaching.

As the old joke goes: “What’s the biggest difference between Methodists and baptists? Baptists won’t wave at each other in the liquor store.”

It’s a big book.

They forgot the really boring Pentecostal churches that only allow singing songs that were written before 1793 and just read the Bible on the pulpit.

No interpretation, no exhortation just, here’s the words… you have attended church now.

The kind of people that put raisins in potato salad and can detect a single flake of pepper in a gallon of soup.

The pastor is always like 83 years old and shakes so violently they had to install dampers into the pulpit to keep it from rattling too loud for the congregation to hear what he’s saying.

And his wife is always like 67 for some reason, so it’s not that weird anymore but it is weird that they’ve been married for 53 years which means that they got married when she was 14 and he was 30.