Tanis Nikana

This thing’s so good.

Personal favorites include Campanella 2, Magic Garden, and Attactics.

Yeah but she’s a garbage human being.

This was the second act of Shion Sono’s movie “Tag,” yeah?

“The Savage Mouth” by Komatsu Sakyou, which involves

Or “Cogwheels” by Ryuunosuke Akutagawa, which

I started out as a quizmaster, telling quiz for a night a week. I’d open my show with a new 45-second bit each week, built audience numbers over time.

Then I realized I’d been doing this for years, and was an incredibly prolific comic! I had enough material I could just walk out onto a stage and just lengthen out my opening bits, cause I no longer had a quiz to tell that night!

“I’m a stand-up comic.”

“Ooh! Heckle me!”

“I don’t know anything about you and don’t wanna say anything mean about you. Just enjoy the moment without getting a performer to do free work for you.”

“You’re no fun.”

“Don’t have to be on all the time, let me eat my burger.”

Jason Pargin is a goddamn hero.

Uh, I should prolly add context:

https://www.sbnation.com/a/17776-football

yeah but so’s lunchables. pyrrhic victory

neatly partitioned meats and cheeses appeal to me on an aesthetic level ok mfer

ham cheese. ham cracker. cheese cracker. ham and cheese cracker. ham and cheese

could even do it like a little big mac so it’s like cracker ham cheese cracker ham cheese cracker

shit there’s nobody says you can’t go like ham ham ham ham ham ham ham ham. great big ol hampuck just for me.

Yup, there’s three rules about food:

1. Don’t eat what will kill you.
2. Eat stuff that tastes good.
3. Eat stuff that’s good for you.

As long as you never break rule one and only occasionally break rules 2 and 3, you’ll have a good time.

One time a girl invited me to sleep with her, and I looked at her filthy pillowcases and bullshitted my way into sleeping on her couch, after countering her insistence with the extreme option of “if you’re not gonna let me sleep on your couch, I’m going home.”

I thought she literally meant actual sleep, and what she wanted was sex.

I slept on her couch and she sobbed softly through a closed door.

I found out about a decade later, from a mutual friend, that girl had the biggest hots for me and was gonna stop at nothing to fuck me.

Well, she was stopped by my obliviousness.

I was ace and sex-repulsed even back then, so even if I had figured her out, I prolly would have had a small panic attack and tried to go home.

Yup, I mostly just assume everyone except my wife doesn’t really want anything to do with me and that I’m probably a giant creep to everyone else, so I don’t make eye contact and I try my best to ignore hints lest I get them wrong.

The hilarious part of all this is that I’m asexual and sex-repulsed, and I’m one of the least creepy and perverted people on the planet, but try telling my subconscious that.

I even check in with my wife sometimes and ask her if she still loves me. She does.

Years.

Asexual and sex-repulsed married lesbian here. Although I love my wife romantically very much, I don’t want to do anything to her chest.

I’ve bought a house, got married, published two books, do stand-up and host a small game show, survived two strokes, transitioned, and have a lot of friends who think I’m tolerable.

I’ve been passing through the Final Fantasy XIII trilogy again. It’s my favorite, and it means quite a lot to me.

I’m a trans woman, so I just keep my head level, pretend I don’t see them, and just walk on by, lest some low-information voter think I’m a child molester and try to get me.

That said, children are absolute trash at paying attention to their destination and their environment, so when they inevitably cross my path in the dumbest possible way, I stop walking until they figure out they should go around me. That way I don’t accidentally kick the tiny knee-high humans.

I was one, once.

Too late, already married!

I know anecdote doesn’t mean data, but I met my wife on OKCupid. We’re both asexual trans women, and the notion of finding someone so compatible like that would have been terrible had we done it in real life, locally only. She was in Boston, I was in Portland. And asexual trans women are a minority of a minority, so it would have taken forever in real life.

Then again, OK Cupid has since enshittified.