Fun fact, this is why I got laid so much in Mexico. I took so much straight dong on that trip I should have gotten frequent fliers miles

I’ve mentioned it on here before, I think. It’s one of my favorite stories. The look on his face was absolutely horrific and hilarious. I asked him several times afterwards how his pregnant sinuses were. He did not find it as funny as I did.

But not from Tennessee.

🎶I got a brand new pair of roller skates you got skint you knees, let’s get to together and touch together our peepees🎶

I love telling this story, but I’ll warn beforehand it’s explicit.

! so, one time I was getting a blow job from this dude who was sort of newly out as bi curious. So, he asked if he could suck me off because he’d never done it before. Anyway, when I came, he didn’t pull off and decided he was going to swallow, and since he was still really new and nervous, I thought it would be hilarious if I said “no homo” when I came.

Unfortunately, he also thought that was hilarious, and laughed while swallowing. Ever seen milk come out of a kids nose in the cafeteria? That. But with spunk !<

I wish I had a way of letting mine out more frequently haha

We all know the answer to this. Alfred keeps a large supply of BatCoke for him in the Bat Cave

Can I know what that religion is?

Your brain is a confusingly, terrifying, beautiful place and I’m glad you just give out front row access like this.

I can’t find a source right now, because I just woke up and I don’t want to, so (Trust Me Bro, et al, 2024) but there’s a chance that quote is actually about Nazis!

A lot of French people referred to them as “the others” and would often speak sort of semi-codedly about them in writing and such so as not to piss off their new overlords. So that line may well not have been “I’m such an introvert that being around other humans is like being in hell” but instead “hell has delivered itself to my doorstep in the form of goose-stepping bastards”

I once had a conversation with a cashier in TN that started with a newspaper by check out saying something about remembrance day in England. I explained it’s basically like their version of Memorial Day. It ended with me having to explain what Europe is. A super abridged synopsis:

Me: It’s basically their version of Memorial Day.

Her: why do they need a different version?

Me: they’re a different country, different laws.

Her: it’s not really a different country if you can drive to it

Me:… What

Her: I mean, it’s basically just the same country

Me: you cannot drive to England.

Her: you can’t?

Me: it’s an island.

Her: I thought it was Europe?

Me: you also cannot drive to Europe.

I then had to explain what Europe was, how England is Europe in the same way Puerto Rico is North America. I shouldn’t have included that. Or tried to explain armistice day. It was a very long conversation that ended up going outside during her smoke break.

She was the second grown adult I had to explain Europe to. Tennessee has failed it’s children, y’all. I’m not being funny, and contrary to OP’s premise, I don’t really judge them for this. I judge the state and the school system. It’s bad.

If someone is cleaning a floor and I have to walk over it, they’re getting several sorrys and at least 2 thank yous, while I do that shrink my body to the side and putting my palms out towards them like a peasant not trying to be whipped by a landed gentry.

I’ve mopped professionally. It sucks.

How do you do this? I’ve seen it for years, but never thought to ask before. Lol.

Is there somewhere to buy these? I’d love to send them to about 75 relatives.

This is, no joke, my favorite meme. OMG, I laughed my ass off the first time, and it’s never lost it’s charm.

I like this version of Gandalf. It makes me think he got Bilbo to leave his house by threatening to blow a brand new Hobbit Hole in him. Lmao

Absolutely love him.

This is hilarious, but is there supposed to be sound?

I ended up on a massive Whatsapp group populated primarily by Indian women after I took a content writing class a few years ago. Made several very good friends. I’ve asked them about the whole Indian scammer thing. One of them said she knows a few, and they do it because they literally don’t have other options for employment. Which makes sense. Rampant, unfettered capitalism forces people to make decisions that go against their conscience for the sake of survival. I feel bad for scammers sometimes, other times I feel less charitable when they’re scamming my dad…

Whole situation just fucking sucks.

I mean, I could understand liberal tears. Liberal blood. Liberal sweat, at a stretch. But liberal cum? That just sounds like you’re offering to blow Joe Biden.