I find it annoying when I can feel my tail hanging on my back, but I know that it doesn’t exist. I can sometime feel pain with my tail, especially when I am in positions where my tail would’ve been crushed if it existed.
It would’ve been cool if the phantom sensation of my tail could’ve been more than a phantom sensation…
Buying tail like the ones used by furries are too expensive for me-- even more so for actual working prosthetics. And I feel uncomfortable even thinking about buying something like that, I just feel like that takes the step too far, like I’m commiting to buy an expensive tail over an intrusive delusion or something.
I also feel wrong. I’m scared to take the leap to explore more, idk why maybe it’s just anxiety, but it feels wrong. I’ve been thinking about faking a tail using cloth, but I’m scared it won’t feel the same as a real tail.
I’m afraid, maybe due to how most people see us as wrong, cringe comps, you know how it is. Not to mention that I’m afraid that I’m actually not otherkin or want a tail, especially since I’ve seen many otherkin sort of annoyed at people mistakenly thinking or faking they’re one. I’m scared that having a tail wouldn’t feel as nice as I’d hope for.
On a lighter note, my experiences with my tail is mostly rare but intrusive thoughts, kinda like how I feel about my lack of breasts as a trans girl. Still, I’d love to have a tail, especially if I can also have fur, animal ears, snout, etc.
Since my type is an anthro raccoon, I’ve also been considering to buy a fursuit. But if I can’t even afford a tail, I probably wouldn’t afford a fursuit either, not to mention it’s probably hard to bring a fursuit everywhere.