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the penal system in a nutshell
I’ve heard that for people to be teachable they have to feel safe. Feeling afraid makes your body enter a defensive stance and this includes not only resisting harm but also resisting knowledge transfer. I assume that’s why people who struggle with a subject at school sometimes have a difficult time catching up even when with tutoring.
It would then be similar to how you can’t convince a stranger who believes in wrong things - controversial topics cause stressful situations and when you’re seen as an enemy their brain goes into a defensive mode, distrusting you and not letting new information in. You first have to build up a certain level of trust and mutual understanding.
Maybe that’s nothing new. Either way, this picture reminded me of that.
Really important to keep in mind as a parent.
Idk, any more, my one kid(15) is too often telling me stuff he and others did wrong together that his mother and I have to stop him mid-sentence to ask “in what world would we want you to tell us about this unless you or others got hurt or need an alibi? Why would you tell us this in front of your little sister?”
We should have been so much harsher with his earlier mistakes, like our parents were with us, I tell you.
Isn’t it a good thing that he is telling you?
No. He and his (not much)older siblings are at an age where, like I said, we need to know if someone got hurt, got in trouble with the law, or broke something, but short of that, a blow-by blow of recent or not-so-recent shenanigans in front of a much younger sibling is doing no one any favors.
I should be glad he’s not tagging walls, or at least knows I would make him find any property owner and offer to re-paint or pay for such. Its the worst combination of he used to genuinely do and get in trouble for awful things, a lot, and now he’s like that one kid in the class who never does anything wrong beyond steal an extra french fry or ketchup packet, and won’t shut up about their condiment exploits(also still gets in fights and such, but doesn’t talk about that). When you have pregnant classmates, classmates in rehab, and/or pregnant classmates in rehab, everyone gets tired of this shit, not just parents.
